Born By One

Creating communities one family at a time

Born By One

Creating communities one family at a time

Born By One

Creating communities one family at a time

Born By One

Creating communities one family at a time

Born By One

Creating communities one family at a time

Born By One

Creating communities one family at a time

Born By One

Creating communities one family at a time

Born By One

Creating communities one family at a time

Born By One

Creating communities one family at a time

Born By One

Creating communities one family at a time

Born By One

Creating communities one family at a time

5 Books To Help Me Become A Better Mum In 2019

 

Every year I resolve to be a better version of myself. Whether it’s to be healthier, smarter or more financially mature, I’m always striving to be better than I was yesterday. My resolution for 2019 is to become a better mum to my sweet boy, Thaddeus. 

Being a mum is the greatest privilege I have. I know that motherhood is something that alludes a lot of people for their whole life. Even on my worst day when I find myself wanting to hide in the corner and cry, I try to remind myself that we’re both just learning about each other. I’ve never been a mum, and he’s never been, my child. (Mind you, I’m entirely convinced that Thaddeus has been on this Earth before, but that’s a story for another day.)

My ideal method of dealing with a crying Thaddeus works 15% of the time. The other times I take a break, cry along with him (that always weirds him out, and he gives me a big hug), or try to explain that mummy is doing her best.

On the surface, my childhood was a good one. However, just below the surface was something completely different. My mother dealt with mental health issues that were the result of the abuse she suffered at my grandmother’s hand. (I didn’t know about this abuse until recently - my mother’s childhood friend thought it was necessary that I understood the truth so I would cut my mother a break when she's difficult to deal with.)

Unbeknownst to my mother, she was passing on her own psychological scars to me. She raised me the same way she was raised because she didn’t know any better. She did the best she could with the knowledge she had from her own life experience. When I found out I was going to be a mum, my primary goal was to ensure my son didn’t have a reserved spot on a therapist couch.

Before welcoming Thaddeus into this world, I read everything I could get my hands on about being a good mummy to him. My self-help books tell the story of my past and the hopes I have for my son’s future. As he’s becoming a toddler, I am once again reading to learn how to navigate the next steps of parenthood. After lots of research and talking with friends, I’ve decided to read/listen to the following books over the next year and take lots of notes: 

  1. Self-Esteem for Boys: 100 Tips for Raising Happy and Confident Children by Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer: Thaddeus’s self-esteem is one of the most important things to me. I want him to have the strength of character needed to face life’s situations head on and come out stronger on the other side. I have high hopes for this book.
  2. How Children Succeed by Paul Tough: Growing up, success was measured by your GPA. As an adult, I’m learning that success looks different for each person. With this book, I hope to reshape the lessons I’ve learned from my childhood and teach my child better while providing him with the skills to succeed in whatever he chooses to do with his life.
  3. The Whole-Brain Child by Dr Daniel J Siegel, MD and Dr Tina Payne Bryson, PhD: I approach many emotional situations logically, i.e. black or white, unable to see the shades of grey. I expect those around me to do the same. As we all know, a child isn’t the most logical of creatures. This book promises to help me gain a better insight into what’s going on in my son’s mind so I can get on his level and better understand where he is and how to help him see his way through it.
  4. The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell: This is based on the highly successful ‘5 Love Languages’ that many couples read to strengthen their relationship. What’s great about this book is that it’s meant to help parents find their child’s love language without making them take a test. I’m most interested in learning how to discipline lovingly.
  5. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Dr John Gottman and Joan DeClaire: One of my most significant shortcomings as a person is my lack of emotional intelligence. This book promises to help me learn to become an emotional coach for him as he learns to experience and healthily express his emotions. Helping Thaddeus become a more emotionally intelligent man will be the greatest thing I ever do for him. 

I’m a big believer that you do the best that you can with what you know, but once you know better, you have to do better. These books will help me learn better to be a better mother to my sweet boy.

I promise to do a proper long post as I read these books/listen to the audiobooks.

Happy New Year!

XOXO 

Alice